What If Everything Was a Dict?

• Python: What if everything was a dict? • Java: What if everything was an object? • JavaScript: What if everything was a dict *and* an object? • C: What if everything was a pointer? • APL: What if everything was an array? • Tcl: What if everything was a string? • Prolog: What if everything was a term? • LISP: What if everything was a pair? • Scheme: What if everything was a function? • Haskell: What if everything was a monad? • Assembly: What if everything was a register? • Coq: What if everything was a type/proposition? • COBOL: WHAT IF EVERYTHING WAS UPPERCASE? • C#: What if everything was like Java, but different? • Ruby: What if everything was monkey patched? • Pascal: BEGIN What if everything was structured? END • C++: What if we added everything to the language? • C++: What if we forgot to stop adding stuff? • Rust: What if garbage collection didn't exist? • Go: What if we tried designing C a second time? • Perl: What if shell, sed, and awk were one language? • Perl6: What if we took the joke too far? • PHP: What if we wanted to make SQL injection easier? • VB: What if we wanted to allow anyone to program? • VB.NET: What if we wanted to stop them again? • Forth: What if everything was a stack? • ColorForth: What if the stack was green? • PostScript: What if everything was printed at 600dpi? • XSLT: What if everything was an XML element? • Make: What if everything was a dependency? • m4: What if everything was incomprehensibly quoted? • Scala: What if Haskell ran on the JVM? • Clojure: What if LISP ran on the JVM? • Lua: What if game developers got tired of C++? • Mathematica: What if Stephen Wolfram invented everything? • Malbolge: What if there is no god?

This image lists programming languages and gives each one a stereotypical “What if everything was…” joke, such as Python making everything a dict, Java making everything an object, and C++ adding everything to the language. The punchline escalates through increasingly obscure, self-referential, or hostile language jokes, ending with Malbolge asking, “What if there is no god?” It is shared as a reaction by programmers to joke about language design, programming paradigms, and the eccentricities of different ecosystems.

• @right_wing_dev_squads / 1937 2021-06-12