What If Everything Was a Dict?

Python: What if everything was a dict? Java: What if everything was an object? JavaScript: What if everything was a dict *and* an object? C: What if everything was a pointer? APL: What if everything was an array? Tcl: What if everything was a string? Prolog: What if everything was a term? LISP: What if everything was a pair? Scheme: What if everything was a function? Haskell: What if everything was a monad? Assembly: What if everything was a register? Coq: What if everything was a type/proposition? COBOL: WHAT IF EVERYTHING WAS UPPERCASE? C#: What if everything was like Java, but different? Ruby: What if everything was monkey patched? Pascal: BEGIN What if everything was structured? END C++: What if we added everything to the language? C++11: What if we forgot to stop adding stuff? Rust: What if garbage collection didn't exist? Go: What if we tried designing C a second time? Perl: What if shell, sed, and awk were one language? Perl6: What if we took the joke too far? PHP: What if we wanted to make SQL injection easier? VB: What if we wanted to allow anyone to program? VB.NET: What if we wanted to stop them again? Forth: What if everything was a stack? ColorForth: What if the stack was green? PostScript: What if everything was printed at 600dpi? XSLT: What if everything was an XML element? Make: What if everything was a dependency? m4: What if everything was incomprehensibly quoted? Scala: What if Haskell ran on the JVM? Clojure: What if LISP ran on the JVM? Lua: What if language developers got tired of C++? Mathematica: What if Stephen Wolfram invented everything? Malbolge: What if there is no god?

A long list humorously imagines what each programming language would be like if one defining concept dominated everything. The joke exaggerates language stereotypes, from Python dictionaries and Haskell monads to COBOL uppercase, PHP SQL injection, and the deliberately hostile Malbolge language. It is used as a reaction by programmers to mock language design philosophies and ecosystem quirks. EN: A long list humorously imagines what each programming language would be like if one defining concept dominated everything. The joke exaggerates language stereotypes, from Python dictionaries and Haskell monads to COBOL uppercase, PHP SQL injection, and the deliberately hostile Malbolge language. It is used as a reaction by programmers to mock language design philosophies and ecosystem quirks.

• @profunctor_io / 846 2018-05-09
• @gentoomemes / 1584 2022-12-15