The Programmer Language Endings

Java Ending After reading 12 books on Object Oriented Design you are hired at an enterprise company writing documentation. You prepare your FingerToButtonPressers to Finger.press(Button.KEY). Your code is DRY, your code is SOLID. You make a healthy living, you marry and have beautiful children. However you accidentally used a feature from an unlicensed version of Java. Oracle sues the company; you lose your job and your wife leaves with the kids. Your child is indoctrinated into the Rust cult. They rewrite all your old code in Rust in their new startup and are employed for life. While you remain penniless and broke. Rust Ending You are claimed by the Rust cult. As you are assimilated you feel an overwhelming bloodlust to obnoxiously spread the great word of ferris and rewrite all emerging and existing software in Rust. You awaken, reborn under the sign of the crab as you embark on your journey. Ready to lead the world of software into a better tomorrow. COBOL ENDING It has been almost a decade since humanity fell to the X'lyth invaders. Fortunately for you, earth's new landlords had a banking sector, and as the only surviving COBOL programmer in the world you are spared from the fates that befell your closest friends and family. You stare into the empty ruins of the city you once called home as you slave away at maintaining their broken systems. You often close your eyes and imagine you had chosen Java like you wanted to. It seems that there truly are worse fates than death. PHP Ending LOL YOU'RE STILL USING THIS GARBAGE LANGUAGE???? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Everyone points and laughs at you for eternity. Python Ending OMG Where'd all these snakes come from??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! JavaScript Ending You just completed your programming bootcamp and get a job at Google making 6 figures. You become a waigee contributing to Open Source and making your mark on the company website by adding more checkboxes. Eventually you become so good at Angular you move on to Greener pastures and get hired by Meta. You learn React and your networth improves as a result. You don't even remember how to program, you barely program anymore as a senior software engineer. You simply stay at home watching programming memes and wondering if you should learn Rust. C/C++ Ending You look at the output from your command line. Another seg fault, and it couldn't have happened at a worse time. You can hear the clattering of claws closing in. The Rustlings are coming, the Rustlings are coming. You have nowhere to hide. Nowhere to run. You simply continue on, accept fate.

Это видео-мем в формате «разных концовок», где языки программирования превращают карьеру разработчика в разные судьбы: Java заканчивается увольнением и разорением, Rust — фанатичным перерождением, COBOL — постапокалиптическим рабством, PHP — вечными насмешками, Python — нашествием змей, JavaScript — успешной карьерой, а C/C++ — смертью от Rustlings после очередного seg fault. На фоне звучит GaleteK — «Ceremorphose»: мрачная, театральная музыка с оттенками скрипки, оперы и духовых усиливает ощущение трагического игрового «экрана концовки» и делает шутку похожей на эпический приговор каждому языку. EN: This video meme uses a “different endings” format, turning programming languages into different developer fates: Java ends in job loss and poverty, Rust in fanatical rebirth, COBOL in post-apocalyptic servitude, PHP in eternal ridicule, Python in a snake invasion, JavaScript in a successful career, and C/C++ in death by Rustlings after another seg fault. GaleteK’s “Ceremorphose” plays underneath; its dark, theatrical sound with violin, opera, and brass accents makes each outcome feel like an epic judgment and heightens the joke.

♪ GaleteK — Ceremorphose

• @gentoomemes / 507 2022-06-13