Impossible Religious Beliefs

I'm a Buddhist Inverse Solipsist. I believe that I am the only guy still in samsara, and all of reality is a truman-show-like act by billions of bodhisattvas who are just humouring me. I'm a Theo-Illogist Muslim. I believe that Islam was the original religion practiced by Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. However, I also believe I shouldn't be held by a divine covenant I wasn't there to sign. I'm a polytheist with high standards. The pantheon only has the one. For now. I'm a Post-Nicene Navajo Arianist. I believe that Christ was NOT co-eternal with God the Father, and that Coyote is part of the godhead. I actively refuse to explain how. I'm a protestant accelerationist. I want the Catholic Church to sell more indulgences so god will smite them faster. I'm a scientific puritan. I believe the only way to truly test if humans have free will is to try and convince Christ to kill himself. I'm a Judeo-Islamic Para-evangelist. I believe the Messiah will only return once every jinn has converted to Judaism. I'm a Sumerian Traditionalist. All the gods are dead because we haven't fed their idols in 2400 years.

A series of dark social-media posts presents increasingly elaborate and contradictory religious identities. The joke comes from combining real theological doctrines, fictional labels, Indigenous and ancient religious references, and deliberately absurd beliefs while refusing to resolve the contradictions. It is used as a reaction to mock overcomplicated ideology or someone inventing an impossibly specific worldview.

• @rzeczyzabawne / 20689 2025-05-28