Tolkien Explains Shelob's True Form

>"Christopher, my son, did I ever tell you the full story of Shelob? You know, the monstrous spider - descended from the vile Ungoliant! - which I used to read aloud of in our Oxford meetings of the Inklings? Well what I didn't mention back then was Shelob could also transform into a totally hot babe: all pale and dark and wan like Rebecca in Ivanhoe or what will later come to be known as the goth subculture. In fact she looked very much like the pornographic actress Stoya who will be born 13 years after I die. Christopher, I will be entrusting you with my estate. If there is ever a videogame adaptation of my work you must make sure they get this Shelob right - make sure she is what the Anglo-Saxons would have called a hæðæ egge, a real sexy bitch."

A parody imageboard post presents J. R. R. Tolkien supposedly explaining to Christopher Tolkien that Shelob could transform into an attractive goth woman resembling Stoya. The joke comes from mixing Tolkien's literary language and mythology with pornographic imagery, anachronistic references, and demands about a future video game adaptation. It is used as an absurd reaction to overly sexualized interpretations of fictional characters. EN: A parody imageboard post presents J. R. R. Tolkien supposedly explaining to Christopher Tolkien that Shelob could transform into an attractive goth woman resembling Stoya. The joke comes from mixing Tolkien's literary language and mythology with pornographic imagery, anachronistic references, and demands about a future video game adaptation. It is used as an absurd reaction to overly sexualized interpretations of fictional characters.

• @eternalclassic / 33938 2023-06-09