Just as the Magna Carta Intended

Own a sword for manor defence, since that's what the Magna Carta intended. Four heathens break into my cottage. "What in the Lord's name?" As I grab my aventail bascinet and windlass arbalest. Punch a bolt through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Throw a pot of naft at the second man and miss entirely since it's a hand thrown grenade in the dark and burns down the neighbour's harvest causing them to starve in the winter. I have to resort to the pot of boiling oil at the top of the hay loft "Deus Lo Vult!" The boiling oil completely drenches two men and cause them to scream in agony and writhe on the ground, racked with incomprehensible pain. The screams of pain frightens horses in nearby stables. Draw sword and charge the last terrified infidel. He bleeds out with no one to assist him since this is Feudal Europe and nobody gives a shit. Just as the Magna Carta intended.

A medievally dressed man stands beside a display of swords while a long fictional comment describes an absurdly overcomplicated defense of a cottage using medieval weapons. The punchline parodies historical warrior fantasies and the Magna Carta, escalating a home-defense scenario into needless feudal chaos and treating the destruction as exactly what the Magna Carta intended. EN: A medievally dressed man stands beside a display of swords while a long fictional comment describes an absurdly overcomplicated defense of a cottage using medieval weapons. The punchline parodies historical warrior fantasies and the Magna Carta, escalating a home-defense scenario into needless feudal chaos and treating the destruction as exactly what the Magna Carta intended.

• @eternalclassic / 28709 2023-03-02