Gavin Fisher Goes Undercover

SIURT

A fake Onion News Network investigative report follows Gavin Fisher as he tries to infiltrate Chinatown's counterfeit-goods market. He puts on an offensively stereotypical disguise, gets rejected by shopkeepers, then tries a seductive persona and is arrested for prostitution. Dead-serious news narration, undercover-camera framing, and tense documentary-style music make the escalating racist absurdity and failure land as the joke; it suits reactions to terrible disguises, misguided investigations, or plans that immediately backfire.

Chinatown, New York. It's one of the busiest hubs of counterfeit goods in the world, where an underground network of Chinese bootleggers operates in the shadows, costing the US an estimated $300 million each year. How does this network of smugglers manage to evade law enforcement? The Special Investigative Undercover Response Team was about to find out. If I was going to infiltrate the counterfeiters, I had to become one of them. With the help of the special investigative undercover response team I disguised myself as an average Chinese person Oh Most excellent and rigged my glasses with the hidden camera to catch all the action Oh, my name a Hong me new in town freeze to direct me to frack a market smugglers This a pot of bag a shimmer like a most precious Jade Oh, you would honor me by telling me where you got it. It is a counterfeit. No, I don't know go away Go away! It was clear I'd have to look elsewhere for answers. The Revere, the Elder, Prieze to direct me to counterfeit the Good Store. It is the heart of the divine in the Forbidden City. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You know what? Forbidden City! I was being stonewalled. But why? I spoke with sociologist David Kim about my difficulty infiltrating the Chinese counterfeit underbelly. Of course no one's gonna talk to you. What you're doing is extremely offensive. Wow. I see. You're a lot of moose. The sociologist helped me see the dressing like just another average Chinese citizen wasn't going to get me anywhere. In order to get answers, I knew I had to take a new tactic, appealing to man's most carnal desires. Hey boy, you right what you see, you right? Oh, not again. Get away. Oh, me? You don't know me. My name's Cheddy Pye. No, you're not. Do you want Saki Saki? I'm calling the police. I was arrested for prostitution. For the Onion News Network, I'm Gavin Fisher.

• @eternalclassic / 10438 2022-03-19