The Ham Monolith

"Is that ham processed? If it's processed, I don't want it." Ma'am, that is an eleven pound whole slab of deli ham. It has no bones, fat, or connective tissue. It is an amalgamation of the meat of several pigs, emulsified, liquefied, strained, and ultimately inexorably joined in an unholy meat obelisk. God had no hand in the creation of this abhorrence. The fact that this ham monolith exists proves that God is either impotent to alter His universe or ignorant to the horrors taking place in His kingdom. This prism of pork is more than deli meat. It is a physical declaration of mankind's contempt for the natural order. It is hubris manifest. We also have a lower sodium variety if you would prefer that.

A static image of an enormous pink rectangular slab of deli ham remains on screen while increasingly dramatic captions describe its processing as an “unholy meat obelisk” and a theological indictment of God. The joke comes from treating an ordinary processed ham product as an existential horror, ending with the mundane sales pitch about a lower-sodium variety. A deadpan synthetic voice and solemn music heighten the contrast between the grandiose narration and the ridiculous object.

The fact that this ham on a leth exists proves that God is either impotent to alter his universe or ignorant to the horrors taking place in his kingdom. This prism of pork is more than deli meat. It is a physical declaration of mankind's contempt for the natural order. It is hubris manifest. We also have a lower sodium variety if you would prefer that.

• @pokupkabitka / 29543 2023-10-21
• @pokupkabitka / 38132 2024-03-31