Trying to Catch Me Riding Dirty

>By far the worst thing I've ever done >Be 12, living with abusive uncle and auntie >We lived on an old farm, no animals just fields >My uncle goes off to a market and comes back with this filthy ass horse >Say’s it’s bred from some old bloke’s prize stallion >Auntie loves it for some reason, coz it’s all muddy she calls it "Dirty". She was a bit fucked up like that. >I, being a countryside fag, liked horses and riding them >Then they turned on me saying "If we ever catch you riding our fucking horse then we will beat the living shit out of you" >They meant it, they’d done it before >Few days later, I’m messing in the fields with some old tractor tire I found >Dirty is just eating grass and shit next to me >Auntie and uncle come out every few minutes to make sure I'm not riding the horse >Get bored and climb inside the tire >Tire starts moving (field wasn't flat) >Can't stop. >Auntie and uncle come outside to check on me >They see me rollin' >They hatin' >Patrolling >Trying to catch me riding Dirty

A text-only 4chan-style greentext tells an absurd story about a 12-year-old living with an abusive uncle and aunt, their muddy horse named Dirty, and a forbidden desire to ride it. The narrator hides inside an old tractor tire, which rolls down the uneven field while the relatives watch and try to catch him “riding Dirty.” The punchline riffs on the lyrics and cadence of Chamillionaire’s “Ridin’,” turning “They see me rollin’, they hatin’, patrolling” into a ridiculous horse-and-tractor-tire scenario. The audio is a dry, robotic text-to-speech reading of the increasingly chaotic story, with no notable music; the detached delivery makes the obscene, surreal escalation funnier.

By far the worst thing I've ever done. B-12, living with abusive uncle and auntie. We lived on an old farm, no animals, just fields. My uncle goes off to a market and comes back with this filthy ass horse. Says it's bred from some old bloke's prized alien. Auntie loves it for some reason, cause it's all muddy and she calls it dirty. She was a bit fucked up like that. I, being a countryside fag, liked horses and riding them. Then they turned on me saying, if we ever catch you riding our fucking horse, then we will beat the living shit out of you. They meant it. They done it before. A few days before, I'm messing in the fields with some old tractor tire I found. Dirty is just eating grass and shit next to me. Auntie and Uncle will come out every few minutes to make sure I'm not riding the horse. Get bored and climb inside the tire. Tire starts moving. The field wasn't flat. Can't stop. John, Dean, and Uncle will come outside to check on me. They see me rollin', they hatin', but rollin', tryin' to catch me riding dirty.

• @pokupkabitka / 402 2021-11-27