Honest Titles for Programming Languages

1. C: I’m imperative, not functional. Also, I’m faster than you. 2. C++: A bastard child of OOP, functional, procedural and imperative approaches. 3. Haskell: People who talk a lot about me, don’t know me. People who don’t talk a lot about me, don’t know me as well. MONADS! 4. Java: Was once the most popular kid in town, slept with mother’s of all modern languages, except JavaScript’s. 5. C#: I am nothing like C, I am nothing like Java and my name is not C hash. 6. LISP: I am so powerful that using me is a curse [1] 7. CLOJURE: I escaped my father’s curse by having an illicit affair with Java 8. JavaScript: Just like my dad, I am the most popular kid in town, but nothing like my dad. 9. Java: Just to be clear, JavaScript is not my kid. 10. Node: Masking event-loop as concurrency since 2011 11. Node: Do you hate JS in the frontend? Now you can hate it in backend as well.

A numbered list gives programming languages sarcastically honest descriptions, portraying their relationships, reputations, programming paradigms, and flaws as family drama and social gossip. The punchline is that JavaScript is not Java’s child, while Node.js spreads JavaScript to the backend; the meme is shared by programmers reacting to language debates and ecosystem jokes.

• @ithueti / 1992 2020-02-12