Honest Titles for Programming Languages

12. ClojureScript: Just like my dad I am powerful, but I am very unpopular and occasionally sleep with JS. 13. Go: You will use me, because Google wants you to 14. SWIFT: I am no gold digger, but if you want to sleep with me, you do need to buy a Mac 15. Scala: Java is my legitimate father and I am his smartest kid 16. Kotlin: I hate father's day, I have too many. 17. Python: You can't pseudocode me, I am the pseudocode. 18. TypeScript: I am the true Java-Script. I am the rightful heir of Java. I am invincible. I am Microsoft, sorry I meant open-sourced 19. Flow: Facebook wants me to replace Typescript. 20. CoffeeScript: Only if I were JavaScript 21. PHP: I am easy to get, expensive to maintain, frustrating to live with, and impossible to get rid off. 22. Matlab: Was forced upon you as a student, now sell your kidney if you want to continue the relationship. 23. BrainFuck: As the name suggests, I was specifically created to fuck with developer's mind. Then PHP took over.

Список «честных» описаний языков программирования построен на каламбурах и стереотипах: ClojureScript сравнивается с непопулярным отцом, Go навязывается Google, а TypeScript объявляет себя истинным наследником Java. Последние пункты особенно язвительно шутят о дороговизне MATLAB, мучительности PHP и намеренной запутанности BrainFuck. EN: A list of “honest” descriptions of programming languages built around puns and stereotypes: ClojureScript is compared to an unpopular father, Go is imposed by Google, and TypeScript declares itself the true heir of Java. The final entries are especially sarcastic about MATLAB’s cost, PHP’s misery, and BrainFuck’s deliberate confusion.

• @ithueti / 1992 2020-02-12