Ivan Gets a Haircut

fakecel НИК-ПЕРУМОВ АЛМАЗНЫЙ МЕЧ, ДЕРЕВЯННЫЙ МЕЧ КНИГА ПЕРВАЯ

A brown-haired Wojak narrates the story of his miserable Tolkienist friend Ivan, shown alongside Pepe the Frog in various gloomy restaurant and waiting-room scenes. Ivan decides to improve his life by getting a haircut, but brings a Perumov fantasy novel and sits in the barber chair reading while the barber works. The narrator is left waiting in the lobby with nothing to do except read Ivan’s book, making the punchline an absurdly literal and awkward haircut anecdote set to deadpan music. EN: A brown-haired Wojak narrates the story of his miserable Tolkienist friend Ivan, shown alongside Pepe the Frog in various gloomy restaurant and waiting-room scenes. Ivan decides to improve his life by getting a haircut, but brings a Perumov fantasy novel and sits in the barber chair reading while the barber works. The narrator is left waiting in the lobby with nothing to do except read Ivan’s book, making the punchline an absurdly literal and awkward haircut anecdote set to deadpan music.

So my Tolkien-ist friend Ivan was jobless and miserable. The modern nomenclature for his condition is fake-sell. Ivan kept whining about how lonely and pathetic he was, but he used to be in a relationship before, so he clearly had what it takes. Then, one day, my friend decided to get his life together. How do you even begin? Well, obviously, the first step is getting a haircut. Ivan had no idea how haircuts worked. He hadn't had one for about three years, so he assumed he would be able to sit there in the chair, reading a book, while the barber worked. That's why Ivan brought a Perumov novel with him. That's generally not allowed. So what happened is that I ended up waiting in the lobby for what felt like an eternity with absolutely nothing to do except read Ivan's Perumov book. Duh.

• @antichirst / 23180 2026-09-13