Freddy Fazbear's Pizza Kills People

if guns kill people

A man eating pizza speaks directly to the camera, beginning with “if guns kill people” and then spiraling into a rambling explanation that Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza and the Bite of ’87 are what really kill people. The video cuts to a stern Patrick Bateman-style reaction image while the absurd FNAF monologue continues, making the joke work through the contrast between serious delivery and increasingly confused lore. The audio has a music-backed, deadpan comedic mood with spoken narration and no notable sound effects. EN: A man eating pizza speaks directly to the camera, beginning with “if guns kill people” and then spiraling into a rambling explanation that Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza and the Bite of ’87 are what really kill people. The video cuts to a stern Patrick Bateman-style reaction image while the absurd FNAF monologue continues, making the joke work through the contrast between serious delivery and increasingly confused lore. The audio has a music-backed, deadpan comedic mood with spoken narration and no notable sound effects.

If guns kill people, I guess forks make people fat? You know what actually kills people? Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. Because if you go to FNAF Freddy Five Bears, Pizzeria, you get the bite of 87 because Freddy Fazbear goes... And he does the Freddy Fazbear jump scare with his hat and bow tie and his friends Chica, Bonnie, Foxy and another Freddy that's yellow because he's from William Afton who also kills people because he's purple and he has a daughter I think or it was the other one. And if you go to FNAF Ready 5, their diner at pizza time, you learn how to eat pizza and wear top hats.

• @afrosidemoon / 76009 2026-01-16