Touhou Looks Awesome Until You Play

Nintendo Power 17TH TOUHOU PROJECT 東方獣王園 WILY BEAST AND WEAKEST CREATURE Shooting Game for Windows Item Get Border Line! HARD スコア 30,686,625 19,010

A gaming reviewer excitedly presents Touhou 17, expecting an incredible hardcore shooter, then reacts with exaggerated horror before demonstrating the game’s dense bullet patterns. The joke is the contrast between the dramatic hype and the supposedly simple gameplay that immediately becomes overwhelming, with the frantic commentary and music amplifying the absurdity. EN: A gaming reviewer excitedly presents Touhou 17, expecting an incredible hardcore shooter, then reacts with exaggerated horror before demonstrating the game’s dense bullet patterns. The joke is the contrast between the dramatic hype and the supposedly simple gameplay that immediately becomes overwhelming, with the frantic commentary and music amplifying the absurdity.

What's this? Toho? Number 17. Yeah, that just came out. Oh man. How could this be bad? It's fucking Toho. You look at the cover and think, Yeah, this game's gonna be awesome. This is a real man's game. Oh man, if the franchise's foot wasn't already so far up your ass from kicking it, Now, you are about to have your balls blown off till they orbit Uranus! Pop this fucker in, turn this son of a bitch on and play some Toho. Then the title screen starts up with the music and you're like, Wow! Ass! But wait, what the hell's this? This enraged beast that comes flying at you! What's her deal? So you pick your difficulty and then guess what? It's got to load again! Probably two weeks later when you finally start playing the game, you'll be surprised that the graphics are quite decent and the gameplay is self-explanatory. You never know what to do unless you have the instructions. You know... Uh... Yeah... You just fly around and shoot stuff.

• @antichirst / 19157 2025-03-30