Mossad Technical Attrition Rant

battle of emotional and technical attrition. In the real world, threat models are much simpler (see Figure 1). Basically, you’re either dealing with Mossad or not-Mossad. If your adversary is not-Mossad, then you’ll probably be fine if you pick a good pass- word and don’t respond to emails from ChEaPestPaInP1lls@ virus-basket.biz.ru. If your adversary is the Mossad, YOU’RE GONNA DIE AND THERE’S NOTHING THAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. The Mossad is not intimidated by the fact that you employ https://. If the Mossad wants your data, they’re going to use a drone to replace your cellphone with a piece of uranium that’s shaped like a cellphone, and when you die of tumors filled with tumors, they’re going to hold a press conference and say “It wasn’t us” as they wear t-shirts that say “IT WAS DEFI- NITELY US,” and then they’re going to buy all of your stuff at your estate sale so that they can directly look at the photos of your vacation instead of reading your insipid emails about them. In summary, https:// and two dollars will get you a bus ticket to nowhere. Also, SANTA CLAUS ISN’T REAL. When it rains, it pours.

A block of mock-serious text contrasts ordinary online threats with an absurdly omnipotent Mossad adversary. The joke escalates cybersecurity paranoia into surreal claims about uranium cellphones, tumors, drones, and an obvious denial, ending with unrelated clichés. It is shared as an absurd reaction to exaggerated threat models, paranoia, or overdramatic technical writing.

• @rzeczyzabawne / 18391 2024-09-19