The 16 Types of Immortal Beings

The Clone Hive Master >Cloned himself a billion times and merged his consciousness into all of them >Assimilates the memories of the clones before they die so that he can absorb them all >Take living vicariously to a new dimension >All the clones are named Philip for some reason The Physical Embodiment of Rage >Got feeling tired as an attack >Blood pressure measured in M Hg >Gold in League of Legends AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA The Immortal Soul >Died and went to the eternal kingdom of heaven >Got the best deal out of everyone >Nice wings bro! The Pagan God Emperor >Uses ancient magic and blood sacrifices to keep himself alive >Technology is illegal in his kingdom >Hate the demons who took my friends away from me? The Electric Poltergeist >Abandoned his body and now exists as a series of brainwaves instead of pure electricity >Future form of a battery? I guess it >Can possess people and electronics >visit the grounded The Robo-Transhumanist >Has replaced most of his body with metal >Forgot what it's like to feel both physically and emotionally >Has more parts in common with a 19-year-old person >Beep boop! >Can connect to Bluetooth with his mind The Virgin Telomere Regenerator >Just started the genetics to stop aging >Too scared to do anything more radical >pussy >Can still be killed by bullets, lamer The Infinite Brainwave Accelerationist >Accelerated his brain to think infinitely fast >Your brain was destroyed but he will live forever in the spirit second before his death >Brought a Gameboy so it's not so bad The Eco Unitarian >Spliced his genes with an immortal tree to become one with nature >Get carbon negative and wants everyone to know >Incredibly smug >Then FUCK squirrels! The Ascendant >Achieved perfect enlightenment after a century of meditation >Physically impossible to anger >Has transcended matter, exists on a higher plane >Present to be around The Eternal Brain-Jar Wage Slave >Doesn't have permission to do the stuff that he did >The interest on his debt alone is worth more than the entire earth at this point >At least this is better than suicide The Quantum Immortal >Jumps to an alternate universe every time he would die >Has no idea how many times he should have died and doesn't even know how he got here >Tries to convince himself it was just a perfect copy and he will never get to see his original life or children again The Collective Subconscious Demon >Lives inside the collective human subconscious >Reads as long as people believe he is real >The cause of all nightmares >they’re sure as dark in here The Punished >Cursed by God to forever roam the desert alone for his sin >What did he do? >Not allowed within 50 meters of a school The Set-Death Time Traveler >Murdered his future self, meaning his death in the timeline and then skips before entering into the future >Wont revere die until it returns to the point of his death >As I killed my future self, the future me, why did the future me? The Braincoin >Digitized his brain, allows people to harvest pieces of his mind as currency for “forever” >Has long since surpassed his basic instincts, plans to assimilate the entire infinite into consciousness >Lost his childhood memories to an EER has never been the same

A humorous 4-by-4 chart presents sixteen bizarre forms of immortality, including a clone hive mind, a rage monster, a pagan emperor, a brain in a jar, and a quantum immortal. Each panel exaggerates a different route to eternal life while adding absurd drawbacks, creating a parody of supernatural power-scaling and “types of immortals” charts. It is shared as an absurd reaction meme about increasingly strange ways to avoid death.

• @antichirst / 18941 2025-02-18