Ranking Things to Wipe With

Ranking things I would wipe my a$$ with 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 RIDICULOUS TIES LEAF HEADCRAB COFFE CUP CRUNCHY CRYSTAL CROWBAR SILO DOOR

A Dr. Breen-like character ranks absurd Half-Life-related objects by how suitable they are for wiping his ass. Toilet paper is implied to be number one, while leaves, a headcrab, a coffee cup, a crystal, and a crowbar are placed increasingly badly; the silo door is too ridiculous to rank. The deadpan commentary, distorted visuals, and background music make the escalating list especially absurd. EN: A Dr. Breen-like character ranks absurd Half-Life-related objects by how suitable they are for wiping his ass. Toilet paper is implied to be number one, while leaves, a headcrab, a coffee cup, a crystal, and a crowbar are placed increasingly badly; the silo door is too ridiculous to rank. The deadpan commentary, distorted visuals, and background music make the escalating list especially absurd.

Ranking things that I would wipe my ass with. Let's go! Ridiculous ties! I mean, that's not bad. I would put it at three. Leaves! You can't be serious. Okay, I'm gonna put it at four. It's toilet paper, positively for number one. Headcrab? Are you insane? Oh, have I done that before? I don't know. I'm putting it at seven. Coffee cup? This should help. There's nothing wrong with that. Grunty crystal. Theoretically. Okay. Croboir? What the hell? No no no no no that's eight. 100%. It can't get any worse than this. The silo door? What the hell I don't know bro no I ain't even putting it in the list bro.

• @antichirst / 17642 2024-08-24