Jesus Is a Fungus

Jesus: impossible to kill, reproduced asexually. Jesus is canonically a fungus. Clearly the part the Romans crucified was a fruiting body of some kind, leaving the bulk of the organism below ground, safe and secure. And every Easter, we find Jesus' multi-colored spores hidden in dark places. The rabbits tried to warn us. But now it's too late. He's metastasized across the whole planet. Soon enough, he will come again, and when he does, no cross in the world will be big enough to keep him at bay. *Twilight Zone music intensifies*

A screenshot of a social media post jokingly reinterprets Jesus as an immortal fungus. It claims the crucified body was only the mushroom’s fruiting body, while the organism survived underground, spreading spores around Easter and eventually taking over the planet. The punchline combines Christian resurrection imagery with grotesque mycology and a dramatic Twilight Zone reference. EN: A screenshot of a social media post jokingly reinterprets Jesus as an immortal fungus. It claims the crucified body was only the mushroom’s fruiting body, while the organism survived underground, spreading spores around Easter and eventually taking over the planet. The punchline combines Christian resurrection imagery with grotesque mycology and a dramatic Twilight Zone reference.

• @rzeczyzabawne / 15762 2024-03-27