Programming Languages as Games

IF PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES WERE GAMES JAVASCRIPT IS COUNTER-STRIKE COOL BUT GETS WORSE THE MORE YOU UNDERSTAND СУКА БЛЯТЬ C++ IS DARK SOULS YOU'RE KILLED BY THE TUTORIAL BOINK KOTLIN IS TETRIS BUILT BY COMMUNISM, RUNS ON CAPITALISM HASKELL IS DUNGEONS & DRAGONS IT WOULD BE COOL IF YOU ACTUALLY STARTED PLAYING C IS TIC-TAC-TOE EASY, UNLESS YOU'RE PLAYING AGAINST THE MACHINE JAVA IS DOOM RUNS ON 3 BILLION DEVICES DOOM RUNS ON ANYTHING PERL IS HIDE-AND-SEEK DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU'RE HIDING, BECAUSE NO ONE IS LOOKING SWIFT IS MONOPOLY A LESSON IN CORPORATE GREED ASSEMBLY IS A COUPLE OF NAILS AND A PLANK YOU CALL IT "LEGO" PHP IS AN ELEPHANT BEATING YOU TO DEATH WITH A PADDLE-BALL DART IS THE GAME YOU LOST.

A comic compares programming languages to video games across a grid of absurd scenes. JavaScript is confusing like Counter-Strike, C++ is brutally difficult like Dark Souls, Java runs everywhere like Doom, and Dart simply means you lost. The joke is a playful stereotype of each language’s reputation and typical developer experience.

• @profunctor_io / 5272 2020-09-05