Windows 11 Laptop Disaster

> set up new Windows 11 thin-and-light laptop > click the start button > fans immediately ramp to 100% > all CPUs core to 100% > RAM fills up and system uses 60 GB of swap > display starts flickering > lights in my room dim > all my other PCs bluescreen > router shows exponentially more telemetry being sent to Microsoft every second > after a few moments my PC is saturating internet bandwidth and power for the entire northeast US > 911 goes offline > a train carrying rabbits de-rails and smashes into my local Apple store > steam goes down > oh_shit_this_is_serious.wav > feel a massive earthquake > suddenly a blindingly bright white blank menu opens and puts me in hypnosis > hear the screams of the damned > after a few hours it recognizes my dark mode setting and switches to dark > thousands of casualties are reported across the US > 48 hours later, the start menu finally finishes loading > see an ad for candy crush

A greentext story describes setting up a Windows 11 laptop, which escalates from loud fans and failing hardware into nationwide catastrophe, mass casualties, and supernatural horror. The punchline is that after all this destruction, the Start menu finally loads and shows a Candy Crush advertisement, mocking Windows bloat, telemetry, slow performance, and unwanted ads. EN: A greentext story describes setting up a Windows 11 laptop, which escalates from loud fans and failing hardware into nationwide catastrophe, mass casualties, and supernatural horror. The punchline is that after all this destruction, the Start menu finally loads and shows a Candy Crush advertisement, mocking Windows bloat, telemetry, slow performance, and unwanted ads.

• @eternalclassic / 79508 2025-11-28