The 33-Year-Old Compiler

> Exhaustive list of platforms > If a new platform exists, immediately ports itself to it >.c .C .cc .cxx .cpp .h .hxx .H .hpp .hh .d .objc .ada .f90 .for .java .go The 33 y/o compiler > compulsive optimization disorder > fastest binary, slowest build > known to kill people with -O3 -fno-boundscheck > I'm coompilinggg > Best at what it does, still free > 3 million undefined behaviors, still doesn't complain without asking > -Wno-virtual-move- assign > newer compilers avoid making eye contact with him > Recently started accepting Unicode symbols too, doesn't regret > millions of different forks > -O0 -O1 -O2 -O3 -Os -Ofast -faligned-new -fconstexpr-depth -fnew-inheriting- ctors -fno-elide-constructors -fno-weak -fvisibility-inlines-hidden > -faggressive-loop-optimizations > -fno-girlfriend > Unrecognized option: "girlfriend" > -fisolate-erroneous-paths-dereference > Unreadable wall of text for error debugging > MS tried to kill him once, he casually added -fms-extensions > MS never made eye contact with him again > ./configure make make install > m5 > make: [build_Project] Error 2

A grinning, horned compiler character is surrounded by dense command-line text describing its platform support, optimization flags, undefined behavior and compiler forks. The joke is that the compiler is portrayed as an unstoppable 33-year-old veteran: extremely powerful and compatible, but absurdly complicated, slow to build and impossible to debug. It is sent as a reaction to chaotic C/C++ tooling, excessive compiler flags or intimidating technical jargon.

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